The Botanical Technician
by ashangel101010
Summary: Matt the Radar Technician meets Armitage the Botanical Technician.


The Botanical Technician

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Suggested Theme:

Main Theme- Centerfold by J. Geils Band

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Kylo, or Matt the Radar Technician, is waist-deep in a nest of frayed wires of a lightsaber-charred hallway. Matt has been frustratingly re-welding the wires of this ruined hallway for nearly three hours now. And he estimates that he has two more hours to go before the hallway is up to snuff for the Head Technician.

 _And she gets to hog all the dark-chocolate chip muffins to herself, while I slave away here! The one good thing on this sithspit of a ship! Force…I really should listen to the General's passive-aggressive tantrums about not pfassking up her ship. Or, I should give up being Matt and not give a shit like a proper Sith Lord would._ Matt curses the Light within him that makes him feel _guilty_ after his rampages. And he then curses General Eclipse for constantly nagging him about First Order property destruction.

 _She's still pissed that I choked the Cinnamon Roll. Mitaka had it coming, running into me with his karking hot coffee! It took me two days to get the coffee stains off! Kriff Eclipse. Kriff Mitaka. Kriff the idiot who left the coffee on the burner long enough to go nuclear. Kriff—_ Matt then hears the telltale clank of his backup welder torch being kicked across the hallway. His grip tightens on his blowtorch.

 _ARE YOU PFASSKING KIDDING ME!? IT'S ONE OF THOSE STORMTROOPER FUCKS AGAIN! I AM GOING TO PULL OUT MY LIGHTSABER AND MURDER ALL OF YOU BRAINWASHED—_

"Oh, I'm sorry; I wasn't watching where I was walking. Be back in a tick." Matt's red-hot anger freezes at the sound of a non-vocoder voice. _That's not a Stormtrooper!_ Matt's mind finally processes. He hears the pitter-patter of soft-shoed feet going across the hallway and then coming back.

"I'm going to put your torch on the left of the toolkit, so no daydreamer like me kicks it again!" _Oh. My. Force. A person on this ship who isn't an asshole just kindly brought back my torch and put it out of Stormtrooper-kicking distance! SHIT, HE'S GOING TO LEAVE!_ Matt quickly shuts off his torch and pulls himself away from the wires to see the kindest person on this Force-forsaken ship.

And he has never been more grateful for the bagginess of the crotch-area of his jumpsuit.

The kindest person on the ship just happens to be the hottest person on the ship. At least from the front. He has pale skin dotted with cinnamon-brown freckles; well, only some of his skin is freckled. Most of the skin is covered in green tattoos that reminded him of Sith tattoos if the sharp angles were more rounded; the most prominent design of the tattoo is at his forehead where it looks like Shiraya's crescent. His eyes are a lighter green than his tattoos, while his lips were as pale as pink blush. He's wearing a long green skirt with a homespun, long-sleeved white blouse. One brown-gloved hand is running through his phoenix-colored hair.

 _Oh. Force. His hair! IT'S SO LONG! I haven't seen hair that long since Tenel! Oh, how I have missed long, red hair! Even if it looks lifeless. Hmm, considering his homely threads, he probably can't afford a decent shampoo or conditioner! UNHOLY DARK SIDE, HE'S SO SKINNY! I mean his face isn't Tarkin-gaunt, but, Force, he could use like ten pounds—_ Matt then realizes that he has been wordlessly staring at a complete stranger for almost a minute. He decides to say the first thing that pops into his hormone-addled mind.

"I want to feed you." _Once again, mind, you have failed me. I can only pray that this hot redhead only walks away and doesn't rip off my last nipple._ Shockingly, the redhead raises his bushy, red brows and smirks at him.

"I'm allergic to mammalian meat, so you can't feed me that. But I can eat anything else, and I presume you'll be cooking?" Matt nods stiffly.

"Good. The mess here doesn't have the most….palatable food in the galaxy. Except the muffins, particularly their peach ones! Anyways, have you been to the hangar?" Matt nods once more with a little less stiffness.

"Great. So you've seen the ship that looks like it was built during the Old, Old Republic that is probably being held together with willpower at this point. Sort of like Darth Nihilus's _Ravager_ , but I digress. Come by my ship at 1900, okay?" Matt nods vigorously, which makes the hot redhead smile.

"Oh, I almost forgot. My name is Armitage Hux and I'm a Botanical Technician. And you are….Matt. Wow, I didn't get a shiny nametag like this, but, then again, I'm only here for a little bit…..See you for our date tonight, Matt!" Armitage's green eyes linger on his nose for a couple of seconds, and then he decides to sashay away from Matt. The Radar Technician's eyes linger on Armitage's ass.

 _I am really hoping that skirt is just hiding his ass because I see no ass… AND HOLY SHIT! I HAVE A DATE! WITH A PFASSKING REDHEAD! WHO HAS NO ASS AND IS WEIRDLY INTO MY WEIRD NOSE!_ Matt is smiling so hard right now that his cheeks hurt. And he stays smiling, lost in his excitement for the next twenty minutes.

Stormtrooper JB-007 is patrolling the area when he sees Matt's smile. And when he saw that creepily huge smile on that pedophile-glasses-wearing-face, he did the one thing that anyone would do in his situation. He turns around and walks the fuck away.

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 **Author's Comments:** Here are the links-

Here is an image that inspired Hux's tattoos, which he totally got from the Yuuzhan Vong, but that's another story for another day: a href=" . "Link/a

Here is what Hux's outfit looks like, which is on the right; and, Matt, the skirt is not hiding Hux's ass. Hux has no ass in any of my stories: a href=" . /-XDy_ "Link/a

I just wanted to write something short, sweet, and funny to me. I may or may not continue this because there is so MUCH I can do with Botanist!Hux and Matt the Radar Technician. And who knows maybe Matt will get lucky on his date with Hux….HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA! That'll be the day!

Also, Happy Easter and thanks for all the kudos and comments!


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